First off, since it is the Jewish Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur), when we try to make amends for our sins from the past year, I should apologize for going a week without making a post.
Actually, I should probably apologize for things I’ve done that have actually hurt people, whether intentionally or not, instead of for not writing a blog post since I’m not entirely sure people besides my mom read these…
So I’ll just apologize for both.
Anyway, I’m currently in the midst of fasting, so please excuse if my writing makes less sense than my usual nonsense.
It’s always really hard for me to think of what I need to make amends for on Yom Kippur. You know when someone asks you something, like your favorite food or your favorite memory, and all of the foods you’ve ever eaten or cool days you’ve had suddenly disappear from your brain? That’s me and today. Obviously I’ve done bad things in the last year, I’m human. I’ve hurt people without meaning to, and have probably done it once or twice on purpose. And I’m sure I’ve “sinned against G-d,” breaking commandments (like dishonoring my parents, I’m sure I’ve done that. So, sorry Mom and Dad). I usually just end up making vague apologies to my family and friends and to G-d since I unfortunately (or fortunately) can’t remember any specific transgressions.
But today I realized that I can clearly think of one thing I have done wrong this year, that I continue to do, and that I want to work harder to not do. I get stuck inside of my own head very easily (too easily) and tend to become self-centered, especially when times are difficult or stressful (like now). When this happens, I know that I am missing out on my friends’ and family’s lives and problems, that I am unintentionally ignoring them or not being there for them. And I really don’t want to do that. I want the people I care about to know that I would drop anything to help them, or just take time out to listen or give advice, or distract them on a bad day.
I want to apologize to everyone if my often intense focus on my own problems has led me to neglect theirs. Because as a friend, it is not only my responsibility but my honor to be there to help you.
And on that note, I’m off to mindlessly watch some movies before I can eat and regain coherent thoughts.